As the transition into Fall approaches, so does the onset of “cuffing season.” Amidst the excitement of seeking companionship and love, let’s ensure you’re well-prepared to navigate the journey and minimize the pitfalls of the notorious Dating Burnout Cycle. The rollercoaster of highs, lows, and loop-de-loops leaving you wanting a break from online dating and the complexities of your own love life.
This blog is designed to provide you insights into what the Dating Burnout Cycle is, how to decrease your chances of experiencing it, plus how to overcome it when it sets in. Our ultimate goal? To empower you to make the most of your dating life, avoid common pitfalls in order to maximize your chances of enjoying your dating life.
Understanding the Dating Burnout Cycle
You jump into online dating with enthusiasm and nervousness but fueled by a hopeful heart and the promise of meaningful connections. As the swipes, chats, and dates come and go, that enthusiasm starts to wane. This is where the dating burnout cycle sneaks in. It’s like running a marathon without proper training – eventually, you hit a wall.
Here’s how the cycle often plays out:
- Eager Beginnings: You’re excited, hopeful, and open to new experiences. Dating apps are shiny playgrounds, and you hope to match with great potentials. You’re swiping and each match, “like”, or response gives you a natural boost of oxytocin.
- The Submerged Stage: For the most part you’re invested but emotionally overwhelmed. You’re Balancing conversations, pondering over the right thing to say, how to weave in a touch of humor, and processing the silence of unanswered messages. Meanwhile you’re planning meetups and the challenge of managing your own expectations as well as those of this stranger/potential partner. It’s a cognitive and emotional juggling act that can be exciting, nerve wracking and draining. One part of this overwhelm is that dating brings out our innermost insecurities and attachment “stuff” as we navigate the rollercoasters of emotions, thoughts, experiences and past pain that unintentionally resurface. That’s where we (counselors) can help greatly.
- The Disillusionment Phase: This is where the magic can start fading. You might encounter mismatched expectations, disappointment in your dates, ghosting, and conversations that used to make you giddy and give you oxytocin now seem like a chore. The “getting to know you” phase starts to feel repetitive, and the novelty wears off. You question if it’s worth it.
- The Break or Burnout Phase: At this stage, you reach a crossroads. You might start avoiding dating apps, feel frustrated by the process, or find yourself dragging your feet to dates. You either take a conscious break to recharge and rejuvenate or continue pushing through, leading to burnout. Burnout manifests as irritability, cynicism, and a strong desire to escape the dating scene altogether.
Breaking the Cycle: Strategies for Rejuvenation
Enough of the loop-de-loop. Let’s explore ways to rejuvenate your dating journey and infuse it with positivity and purpose. So this next time around is different.
Taking a Break: The Reflection and Reevaluation
Whether you took a break or experienced dating burnout, this stage involves introspection. You reflect on what worked, what didn’t, and what you truly want from your online dating journey. It’s a period of self-discovery and growth.
Armed with self-awareness, you approach dating differently. You set healthier boundaries, prioritize self-care, and engage with a sense of intentionality. Each interaction is meaningful, and you’re open to connections without losing yourself in the process.
1. Prioritize Self-Care
Think of dating as an addition to your already fulfilling life, not the sole focus. Engage in activities that make you happy and connect with your passions or explore new hobbies. Remember, a confident, fulfilled you is a magnet for meaningful connections. Additionally, be mindful of your relationship to dating and where you’re at in the dating burnout cycle. Take breaks when you feel called to or notice early burnout signs. Return to online dating when you’re feeling better, not out of obligation.
2. Balancing Hope and Realism: Finding a Middle Ground
Balancing hope and realism in the dating journey is crucial for a fulfilling experience. While those sparks of excitement are invigorating, remember that relationships need time to evolve. Avoid setting yourself up for disappointment by refraining from creating and unconsciously attaching to “future memories” – scenarios that haven’t yet occurred. These could include being hopeful you’ll have a date to that wedding in a few months or someone to spend the holidays with. Balancing the potential disappointment from this high is key to avoiding or minimizing the dating burnout cycle. Instead, focus on cherishing the present moments, celebrating what you’re learning in real time about your partner, and letting the dating journey unfold authentically.
Nurturing a true relationship takes time and patience. There’s an entire universe of discovery ahead, waiting for you to explore. Maintaining equilibrium to avoid or minimize the onset of dating burnout is the secret to sustaining hope and enjoyment in dating.
3. Elevate Your Dating Approach
In the realm of dating, quality should always reign supreme over quantity. Instead of treating swipes like a casual Netflix scroll, channel your energy into profiles that resonate with you on a deeper level.
- Opt for a deliberate approach, engaging with a maximum of 1 or 2 individuals at a time.
- Have a phone conversation, even if only for 10 mins, prior to setting up a date to save you time, energy and reduce nerves for the first meet and greet.
- Only open your apps when you have designated time to be focused.
- Rather than fixating on whether someone could be “the one” or if they’ll impress your family, shift your focus to a more authentic question: “Did I genuinely enjoy my time? Am I interested in learning more about this person and their story?” Continue dating until the answer becomes a clear and confident “No, I’m not invested.”
- For those bad dating experiences try flipping the scripts, could there be gratitude that this person showed you who they are so that you didn’t invest any more energy into them.
- Embrace the entire dating process and refrain from letting a few less-than-ideal dates color your perspective.
5. Practice Open Communication
Relationships can only move at the pace of the slowest partner. Be empowered to slow the pace of the relationship if needed. Or if you’re feeling overwhelmed, need different boundaries or something is bothering you, communicate it. Honest conversations about your feelings can often lead to understanding and can even deepen connections. This also shows you how someone communicates, takes and implements feedback which is important for a long term and healthy relationship.
6. Celebrate the Small Wins
Celebrate each step you take, whether it’s a great conversation or a date that made you laugh. These small wins remind you that every experience contributes to your growth and you’re living in service of your value to find a partner.
7. Get Counseling Support for Dating
Collaborating with a counselor offers you a unique opportunity to navigate your dating journey more effectively while also optimizing your emotional well-being. Through counseling, you can engage in a process that enables you to explore and process both past and present experiences while gaining insight, coping and strategies. This exploration fosters a heightened awareness of the conscious and unconscious factors that dating triggers within you. Making you more successful in dating.
In Conclusion: Embrace the Journey
So there you have it – the dating burnout cycle demystified and strategies to keep you energized and excited. Remember, dating is a journey, not a destination. Each encounter, each lesson, contributes to your growth and understanding of what you’re truly looking for.
Swipe, chat, date, and take breaks mindfully. Embrace the adventure, knowing that with each step, you’re closer to finding the connection that aligns with your heart.